45, WHO ME??

Well tomorrow is my 45th birthday. I have this overwhelming need to sort things. I feel like this is a new begining. It is some what alarming to feel this way since I cant put a finger on the reason for this sudden urge to simplify. I just know I need to eliminate the clutter and the unused. I need less stuff all of a sudden. And I sure as hell dont want any stuff that is so so, I only want the things that make me happy or fit nice or make me look good when I wear them. I have spent the first 44.99 years getting stuff, now I feel like I dont need so much of it. Pretty confusing and comforting all at once.

I had this brilliant idea the other day to start saving a dollar a day starting on my birthday, then I decided that I should save 2, one for me one for some charity. Then on my birthday next year I will give that gift to a charity as a birthday gift. The odd thing was Saturday I am watching TV and they are talking about how not to be broke. Now these days for me that is a tough one. But they said save a buck a day for 4 months then 2 a day for 4 months then 5 a day for 4 months, at the end of the year you will have around 1000.00. I was blown away it was like some confirmation that my idea was a good one and that the Universe was saying " Go ahead I approve". So I start tomorrow. I am a bit worried that I will not be able to do the 5 a day but I am not gonna let that stop me after all God said go. At the end of the year if I have done the deed as promised. Then I will split it and give half to a charity. I will let you know how it is working for me as I go.

I have loved my birthday all my life, even now as I face the 45 number. Maybe because it is on June 1, a sign of summer to me, maybe because I share it with my Dad, and he shares it with his Uncle. It just seems like a magic day. I looked up June 1 events. Two states I love became states in the union on June 1, Tennessee and Kentucky. Marilyn Monroe celebrated her birthday on June 1, as does Morgan Freeman and Pat Boone. Looking at the lists many actors writers and musicians share my birthday, guess I missed my calling.

Some Birthdays naturally feel better than others. Some are ho hum, nothing special and others seem huge. I have not had a huge one in years. Maybe it is the big build up in my mind that makes them feel great when one turns out better than others. I can remember my 4th like it was yesterday. I was at my birth Grandmother's home in Battle Creek, Michigan, (my mother was adopted), I can remember being so excited. I knew what I was getting because I always wanted the same thing every year. New Cowboy boots and a Levi Jacket. What more could a girl want? I remember standing in the kitchen of the house it was a gally kitchen across the back of the house and the flooring was that black linoleum tile with multi color flecks, it seemed like birthday tile because of the multi color flecks, like someone put it down just in celebration of my birthday. I was so filled with anticipation I could not stand it. The cake would be served soon I cold not wait, then the gifts. The cake was white with pink color iceing even though it was for my dad too. The boots were black Acme boots with the cut out starburst shaft that had color inlay. Everything was perfect.

As I got older I learned that you have to be careful of that big build up in your mind, cause it can make for a BIG let down too. That seems to be the way of things as we get older. Last year was a huge let down. I waited all day to do something, waited for my boyfriend to take me to dinner or even for a ride or surprise me with some well thought out event, then nothing. No cake, no surprise, no nothing. I guess I don't understand that cause you only have those birthdays once your only 30 or 40 or 45 once in a life time. It should be noteable, shouldn't it? Well before I make us all depressed. I am hoping for something soul satisfying and wonderful to happen this year. I hope to spend some quality time with my horses and accomplish some riding. I hope for a cake at least, I would love to go out to dinner. Although, all the while I am trying hard to avoid the build it up in my mind this year and trying not to make a big deal out of things, I still cant help but wonder why I feel such excitement and such a need to streamline my life, my home and my belongings. This Birthday is kinda getting the build up without my help. I wonder if this is that magic thing I hear from women when they talk about the 40's. They say" Oh 40's are wonderful, you know what you want and where your going, and you know how to get there". Maybe this is that magic thing begining to take place and it actually happens exactly on the day of your 45 th birthday? When I wake up tomorrow will I suddenly know the answers to all the questions about life that I have had up until now? Is this my big surprise, is that the big event?? Oh, I better settle down its not my Birthday yet!

What do Lemonade and Round Pens Have In Common?

This picture is of my father clearing land a couple years ago. This location was to be the location of my Retail Tack Shop, Triple Star Tack & Livery, but due to some unforeseen circumstances I was unable to accomplish my dream.

I had been planning the project for almost 10 years. I had gotten my Bachelors in Business Administration, I had gotten the first copy of my blueprints. The builder had been there and dug the footings, the temporary electric was installed, all the necessary permits were purchased and a perk test was done. I had vendors lined up and a great business plan. I was ready to go. Then overnight things changed. I was informed that my job was being eliminated and that I was being lay ed off. No job meant no credit, no money, no Tack Shop. My dream melted away like the snow. It was heart breaking, every time I looked at the location it hurt worse. I just could not understand why this happened. I finally realized it was just not meant to be. I decided to Cowgirl Up and deal with it. I needed to move on but I had to have a reason to make some Lemonade out of the lemons I was left with. So, why not turn it into something good, something that takes the sadness out of the situation no matter how simple as long as it made me quit thinking about it. I decided I would build a Round Pen there. Seems small in comparison but it is A Sacred Circle to work my horses in, a place to build our relationship a place to train safely and effectively. Anyone that has worked with horses and built a relationship knows that it is a spiritual experience and is not something real horsemen and women take lightly. I feel calling a Round Pen a Sacred Circle is very fitting.

So last fall when my boyfriend arrived unexpectedly with his logging equipment to fill in the footing holes and level the ground I was ecstatic. I was not looking forward to filling those babies in by hand. I then inadvertantly found a great price on some fence post from a local guy and I purchased the posts and set them aside for spring.

Now that the snow is mostly gone and I decided it is time to begin the Round Pen. I had no idea that this Round Pen was going to be so wonderful, but it has begun showing me its Magic.

Yesterday on Easter Sunday my grown son showed up out of the blue to help me dig fence posts holes. Anyone that has had a 27 year old son knows that they usually have something to do besides help around the farm. It is work digging post holes by hand, but it was a fantastic job to do while being able to share time and conversation with my son. Actually he did most of the job and in record time Within 2 hours he dug 17 holes.

April 13, today another surprise. I planned to set the posts for the Round Pen, which is not a hard job just boring. The weather is cold and dreary today so I was not looking forward to going out to do it, but I wanted them set before the next rain so the holes did not fill with water and if they are set before the rain comes they will set nice and solid because the water will settle the soil around them. Completely by surprise a friend called and offered to help me set posts. She grew up on a farm and is a native to an area a few miles West of here a small town girl, the same as I am a native to this county and small town. There is something comforting in sharing a trivial task like that with someone that just knows how to do the task too. There is a connection to the land and to the task that is shared.

Next Saturday I will be going to a local auction with my Dad and a friend to look for the material for the railing.

It seems to me that God is offering me a glass of Lemonade and believe me I am guzzleing it. This whole project is turning out to be one fantastic surprise and I am very excited to find out what is in store next for my Sacred Circle.

Well today is another let down. The weather was supposed to be rain then maybe flurries overnight with no real accumulation. The Weather Church Preacher lied (the weather man on TV), so far it looks like we have about 4" on the ground. It is wet and sloppy.

Chicky and Scooter are very carefully coming out of the coop each day to check the weather. Scooter gets out on the porch of the coop and flies to the nearest perch so he does not get his feet cold and wet. The other day I found Chicky setting in the doorway of the coop just looking around at everything, just like someone setting on the front porch. That night when I went to close up the coop door she was sound asleep with her butt hanging out the coop door. Must have been a busy day for her.

The horses are even grumpy they don't seem to be their usual busy selves. The pasture is a cross between mud and ice and so they cannot run at all. Sometimes they get a little giddy and kick up their heels but they are being very careful since it is slippery in spots. Last night when I went to let them in for the night Mare waited back by the pasture fence while Gelding came trotting in the barn. Mare then ran as fast as she could go without slipping. She stayed back waiting for Gelding to get in the barn first so she could have a wide open space. Even if it was only a little run she seemed to be pretty proud of what she had accomplished. She has come a long way since that April day 3 years ago when I brought her home. She was 100 # underweight and her hair was long and scraggly. She walked around like a zombie, doing what ever I would ask but not getting too involved in anything. She was a sad site. But she is a beautiful girl now. She is developing quite a personality these days always trying to get to the top of the Herd. Which will probably never happen, but she keeps trying. Lately sometimes Mare will lay her ears back and try to keep Gelding from the Hay as I bring it out to the pasture for them. That is a dominant behavior among horses, taking the territory or food of another horse. They will assert themselves to elevate their status. If the other horse backs down then the horse that backed down loses his/her place in the herd. Gelding just looks at her with that look like "ya right, you and who's army" and proceeds to get the first bite. I doubt he will ever lose his place in the herd. He is very level and smart, not that Mare is not smart but she is somewhat flighty and Gelding is not. He can be dominant but that is not the what keeps him the first in the herd. At times I actually think I can see him just shaking his head at some of the things she does. I can definatly hear him laughing at her from time to time.